I have hung up my g-string. I did my “last dance” and now I am touring lands uncharted, as a portrait consultant. It’s commission based so, nothing new. I’ve still gotta turn on the charm. It turns out that I am much more successful at “sales” when sex isn’t even part of the conversation. I am having an awesome time even though these first few weeks are kicking my ass financially. I do not have money for anything other than necessities until I get paid. After that, I’ll get paid weekly and I can relax, maybe even cut my hair the way I’ve been meaning to.

I just think it’s a hoot that I’ve gone from selling the my time and attention to men who are on their lunch break, who aren’t getting any from their wives.. to selling family portraits to the housewives. I don’t know who I prefer. I will say though that see kids and babies every day is really pushing me further toward the way I was already feeling; I don’t want kids.

Of course, I miss Penthouse, as I am certain that I am being missed but I need to start to grow up and build a portfolio. Otherwise, I wasted a good portion of money for BFA and nothing would ever come of it, save for a few unsold, unshown photographs and paintings. Perhaps, if I can ever get some down time, I will pop in for a special show (and some freakin’ gas money for the week).

With the dollar on the down turn, I have recently begun to wonder how this imminent change will effect the strip club industry. Often times I have thought critically that this industry, which was once considered to be recession proof, was going to tank unless prostitution were to become legal on a federal level but then it would be something else entirely. It’s no passing phase that money isn’t what it used to be for everyone. It has been a regret of mine since I started this gig that I had been born too late and started too late to have had the best opportunity to really sock away a pretty penny. But dancers aren’t known for their financial wisdom. So what do you all think? Will I be recieving tips via RFID chip money transfer?

Ron Paul is right. The United States is, at least, partially responsible for the “terrorist attacks” on 9/11.

You can call me a “crazy bitch”. It would be thoroughly un-original. I real;ze that by expressing these views I may be put on a watch list or a no fly list and called a terrorist. I do not care. I want you to listen and consider the possibility that you are being lied to by our government and mainstream media. I have been listening, watching and feeling with my gut for quite some time. Something has smelled fishy ever since that first period Spanish class at the beginning of my senior year of high school on September the 11th, 2001. The moment that the  principle’s voice came on over the loud-speaker to inform the school I could not accept the story that was being told. Radical Muslims, under the direction of Osama Bin Ladin, had hijacked planes and flown them into the World Trade Center in New York City, along with the Pentagon, and truth is that no one, with the required credibility, will tell the truth until it is too far into the future to matter. Just like any other coup that our government has staged throughout history, they will not release the full, complete story of what exactly happened that day until no one is alive to remember or care.

This has been planned for decades. The “terror attacks”. The economic collapse. This is all for a purpose. One world government. A New World Order. FEMA Camps. Total Enslavement.

The Occupy movements going on recently are exactly what they have planned and hoped for. It saves them having to stage riots to reenforce the concept that we need greater protection from the “terrorists” aka anyone with half a brain.

I, for one, do not want to see this happen but if we do not, as a culture, take our heads out of the sand, it is an inevitability.

I invite you to investigate for yourselves. A little bit of homework now may just save you later.

Watch the Zeitgeist by Peter Joseph on Youtube. Watch Police State 4 by Alex Jones. Check out Alex Jones’ work on Infowars.com. See for yourself and get back to me if you like. Tell me what you think.

1.) Penthouse got raided. I managed to slip out exactly one hour before a swat team busted into the building, kicked out all the clientele, arrested 7 dancers and 1 manager. Unbeknowst to me, I encountered the undercover agents not long before I left. I had stayed later than usual because my shift was a complete waste of time. There were five or six men seated by the back stairway end of the stage. They seemed a little odd but their story was believable. They were clients being treated to a night out but a gentleman trying to sell them his wine. Each of them were planning on getting a Skybox (champagne room) and wanted to know what kind of services would be provided for $1,000. I responded the same way I always do, sans bs.
“Well, that’s about two hours worth of a lap dance. Are you sure you can handle it?”, I said coyly.
“Sure, I can. Get pretty naughty up there?”, asked the well-dressed  man.
“No. Not really all that naughty.”
Immediately, I was dismissed. At the time, I was irked and muttered something to effect of “asshole” under my breath as I made my way to the next available fellow.
Now there are some rumors about them handing out marked bills and that was how they identified who they were planning to arrest. One girl says she caught on to the game they were playing and attempted to leave after being handed $200 in marked bills. They caught her outside, she claims, through her into the back of an SUV and drove her to the Target parking lot down the street to wait while they went back and arrested the other girls. She thought she was being kidnapped because they didn’t tell her that they were cops and she was under arrest for theft.

Two weeks ago the club fired somewhere between 25-30 dancers, anyone who was under suspicion of prostition. Business has not been good because everyone is afraid to come in. If you’re afraid to come in, don’t do anything you could get in trouble for. It’s not difficult. I may not drive a BMW or live in a huge house but I make due without lying about my personal life or turning a single trick. Ladies, quit the shit or get a different job. Guys, go home to your wives (what the hell do you have them for if you can’t fuck’em?) or go see a real whore, as in, it’s her actual job title. Just stop fucking in the clubs!

(Yes, I realize there are more reasons for relationships than just consistant sex with a safe partner but I am one who practices and believes in “put out or get out”.)

2.) Looking for jobs. Real jobs. The kind you can put on a resume and you don’t have to lie about. It’s hard to find the right fit. I want to do something that matters to me and that I am happy to go do every day. Right now I am waiting to hear back from a portrait company. I’d be a photographer, working independently, driving from appointment to appointment, taking pictures of babies and then punching them in the face. (Just kidding. Inside joke.) I have been waiting for two weeks to hear from them, as the manager is on her Thanksgiving vacation, and I am on the edge of my seat. I want it so bad. I have been working and studying for so long. It’s about damn time I got a break. Ok kids and portraits aren’t my most favorite type of photography but at least it’s in my field.

3.) I have finally convinced my landlord to allow me to adopt a dog. It can’t weigh more than 30 lbs so that’s just perfect because I have wanted a squashed faced, curly tailed pug buddy ever since I moved out of my parents’ house and missed my mom’s pug, Mugsy. I am waiting to hear back from a few shelters right now. This also has me pacing the floors.

I have wondered to myself lately, in a very non-work related way, why do men love bitches? It seems to me that bitches always get what they want. So I asked an expert, a man with a great deal of experience of being with a royal bitch, my current flavor of the year (or  six, who knows?). The answer I got shouldn’t have surprised me, considering he’s mid/south-western raised.

“Men don’t love bitches. Men put up with bitches because 90% of the female population consists of bitches. It’s because of the woman’s civil rights movements of the 20s and 60s, that women have all the power now. They’re bitches now because they can be. They have equal rights to employment and everything else and they use it to take advantage of men, and threaten them. They hold sex and everything else over our heads because there’s nothing to stop them. We have to walk on eggshells with a long-stem rose everyday, in hopes of just getting a piece of ass.”

“I can’t grasp why other women do that. If I deprive you of pleasure, then I’m depriving myself along with you.”, I said.

It sounded as if he was almost complaining that men can’t do whatever they want to women anymore and get away with it, though I’m sure that’s not how it was meant to come out.

“Well, back in the day we had our own form of justice. You beat your wife. I beat you within an inch of your life and if I find out that you touch her again, you’re  dead.”, he stated, as if he was actually there and recalls.

I tried not to argue. It’s pointless with this one. The fact is, in those times, a man had no right to tell another man how to treat his wife (property).  Punishment would fall upon the outside party, much heavier than it would’ve on said abusive husband.

“Some guys acted like assholes and now we all have to suffer the consequences.”, he says. “Now, if I want to have a family in the future, I have to worship the ground you walk on because what is there to stop you from getting an abortion or saying that we’re not having sex? You could spend the rest of your life on birth control and there’s nothing I can do. What choices do I have? What can I do; leave you? Then I have to start all over, trying to find someone who wants to have children, let alone have them with me.”

“Well, you ought to treat me right regardless of whether or not it’s because you’re trying to get something from me.”… Not that he doesn’t but you see my point.

This statement ended the conversation entirely.

The world is a worse place to be in because I have rights to hold a job and decide what happens to my body? I’m somehow less grateful to a man that would take care of me because I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, because I don’t need anyone to provide for me?

If anything I feel that having had worked for everything I have, makes me more grateful to whatever support is offered to me. Would I stop working just because I didn’t need to contribute? Probably not. I’m pathologically independent and I like having my own money. Unless I am somehow physically incapable, I will work.

I have had the experience of not always being treated like this center of my (past) intended’s universe, so when someone is caring, considerate and appreciative of me, it’s like the greatest thing in the world to me. And that’s probably why I’m not classified as a “bitch” except by men at the club who want extras.

I would love some input on this subject from you guys out there. What do you think? Do you feel slighted or at a disadvantage because women have rights? Personally, I think that we need the idea what masculinity is to evolve to meet the ideals of the present day.

I am writing via my phone, thanks to a nifty andriod app. My phone is my only internet connection I have anymore. I need to have my computer fixed or buy a new one, either way, it’s gonna cost me.

Getting my man back on his feet is the first order of business. He was a half-admitted wreck when I met him but at least he had an income and a vehicle that worked. I am getting quite annoyed with the people that say it’s shit and I shouldn’t help him but the fact is that he would do the same for me without thinking twice. What pisses me off the most is that if he were the female in the relationship and I was the man, hardly anyone would see a problem with this.

Well, the license is one headache because it’s for freaking Iowa. He’s gotta call up the DMV there and find out how much he owes and find a way to pay it back so that he can get a license for here, which he doesn’t want to do. He’s been back in Jersey for over two years and has been hanging onto that Iowa license, along with a ton of baggage that’s attached why he has it and why he’s back here. I can’t blame him entirely but there comes a time to move forward and take the baby clothes to Good Will.

It’s all for nothing I guess. I went to go use the upstairs ladies room right next to the private rooms and there was a cloud of white swirl in the toilet water. I had a great temptation to just sit and watch who goes right from the private room to the bathroom, to catch them but I haven’t got time for that. It’s the bouncer’s job, isn’t it? I suppose we can’t expect management to enforce their own policies, except the ones that dictate cell phone usage and lateness.

your pedestal plated in platinum
encrusted in diamonds

and everything else your life,

alone,
could never have brought you,

a shiny palace of
everything you could ask for

but!

you found the right one to ask
now, didn’t you?
a man you could get your talons into
like any other con-artist, coke-head,
you find your ways to proliferate
like roaches
under the floor boards

how you could,
take for granted
a man on his knees…

and you knew you could
always bring him there

now, didn’t you?

Senseless
to me…

break what’s given to you

and walk away
as if it’s not hard to stand

The right girl
will pay the price
and lie in the bed you made
and sit with patience
waiting for what’s left
you to clear
and for the rest of
her to appear