Internet is back on. I’m trying out Clear. So I can post without needing my phone.
I have wondered to myself lately, in a very non-work related way, why do men love bitches? It seems to me that bitches always get what they want. So I asked an expert, a man with a great deal of experience of being with a royal bitch, my current flavor of the year (or six, who knows?). The answer I got shouldn’t have surprised me, considering he’s mid/south-western raised.
“Men don’t love bitches. Men put up with bitches because 90% of the female population consists of bitches. It’s because of the woman’s civil rights movements of the 20s and 60s, that women have all the power now. They’re bitches now because they can be. They have equal rights to employment and everything else and they use it to take advantage of men, and threaten them. They hold sex and everything else over our heads because there’s nothing to stop them. We have to walk on eggshells with a long-stem rose everyday, in hopes of just getting a piece of ass.”
“I can’t grasp why other women do that. If I deprive you of pleasure, then I’m depriving myself along with you.”, I said.
It sounded as if he was almost complaining that men can’t do whatever they want to women anymore and get away with it, though I’m sure that’s not how it was meant to come out.
“Well, back in the day we had our own form of justice. You beat your wife. I beat you within an inch of your life and if I find out that you touch her again, you’re dead.”, he stated, as if he was actually there and recalls.
I tried not to argue. It’s pointless with this one. The fact is, in those times, a man had no right to tell another man how to treat his wife (property). Punishment would fall upon the outside party, much heavier than it would’ve on said abusive husband.
“Some guys acted like assholes and now we all have to suffer the consequences.”, he says. “Now, if I want to have a family in the future, I have to worship the ground you walk on because what is there to stop you from getting an abortion or saying that we’re not having sex? You could spend the rest of your life on birth control and there’s nothing I can do. What choices do I have? What can I do; leave you? Then I have to start all over, trying to find someone who wants to have children, let alone have them with me.”
“Well, you ought to treat me right regardless of whether or not it’s because you’re trying to get something from me.”… Not that he doesn’t but you see my point.
This statement ended the conversation entirely.
The world is a worse place to be in because I have rights to hold a job and decide what happens to my body? I’m somehow less grateful to a man that would take care of me because I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, because I don’t need anyone to provide for me?
If anything I feel that having had worked for everything I have, makes me more grateful to whatever support is offered to me. Would I stop working just because I didn’t need to contribute? Probably not. I’m pathologically independent and I like having my own money. Unless I am somehow physically incapable, I will work.
I have had the experience of not always being treated like this center of my (past) intended’s universe, so when someone is caring, considerate and appreciative of me, it’s like the greatest thing in the world to me. And that’s probably why I’m not classified as a “bitch” except by men at the club who want extras.
I would love some input on this subject from you guys out there. What do you think? Do you feel slighted or at a disadvantage because women have rights? Personally, I think that we need the idea what masculinity is to evolve to meet the ideals of the present day.
He could not be anymore wrong. First off, 90% of the women today aren’t ”bitches”. That’s almost like saying 90% of all men are assholes and are just after sex and that’s certainly not the case. This guy crabby or thick-headed or what? Granted, I think the Women’s Rights movement has made chivalry a little stale, nearly obsolete and unexpected in today’s society, but you can’t spell ”manners” without ”man”. To me, it seems like your current flavor of the week considers any woman who is independent, in a position of power or authority, assertive, and has an opinion to express themselves to be a ”bitch”. He’d rather live in a time when women had little to no rights, men could do whatever they want to their spouse, treat women like property, and tell them what they can or cannot do. I could be wrong and you could be biased, but he seems like a douchebag. And do you personally know this ”bitch” that he has had experience with? Because, there are always two sides to every story, and from the impression you give me of his personality, then maybe she had every right to behave like a ”bitch” to him? He has more of a reason to lie and persuade you than she. He has more to gain. It doesn’t matter how well he treats you if he hopes to one day have and raise a family with you. If you don’t want children, then you don’t want children. That alone is a major dealbreaker in a relationship. And do you want the father of your child to have the beliefs that he does about women? You’re right, he should treat you just as nice regardless because he’s your boyfriend(?) and not because he may have some alterior motive or agenda up his sleeve. Are you a feminist? Because I get the impression that you are. And if you are, why are you with a man like this? Why don’t you be with a man who shares the same ideals and values as you do? More emotional intelligence, even? I’m not surprised by his views and remarks considering what region he is born and raised from. Not saying all men fit that stereotype from there, but his opinions just raise a red flag is all. This ”justice” he speaks of isn’t justice. Justice may not always be fair, but it certainly must always have a conscience. Beating a woman doesn’t justify shit—for any reason. It seems like you two are polar opposites and opposites don’t always attract. Also, you should work whether you contribute or not. Either of you. Because, frankly, you still need money for other things besides for bills. You need to have a little fun every now and then. If my spouse were the breadwinner and took care of all the bills and finances I would still work just so I could have my own money to save and to buy the things that I want. Because, let’s face it, we may not be together forever and I shouldn’t always rely and be dependent on my significant other for financial assistance. Everyone in a relationship (especially in a long-term one or a marriage) still needs some form of independence and self-reliance. I’m glad women have equal rights. Women aren’t property of men and should have the same privleges as everyone else. Who are men to decide which gender is more or less superior? What gives them the right? That’s a bunch of crap. Always has been and always will be. The media and even some religions are always part to blame. This isn’t the 1950′s. No one should have the view of who ”wears the pants” in a relationship anymore. It should be about equal partnership. Gender roles and stereotypes today are hogwash. And either spouse may temporarily withold sex in a relationship as a type of punishment if the two aren’t on the best of terms or if there’s some conflict between the two because sex can’t fix everything. It may just put a band-aid on things and doesn’t solve the problems that are still there. Why would you sleep with someone who has upset you? Is this relationship just superficial to you or deeper? And witholding sex is a useful tool that may quickly help resolve certain issues and to come to a better understanding with each other. The sooner you both discuss and work out the differences, the sooner you both will have sex again. That would bring you both closer and make make-up sex feel all the more satisfying. I also read some of your previous posts and I really believe you deserve better. He comes off like a lazy, uncultured caveman. You work in a strip club and you basically have your pick of any guy who walks into that establishment. That would be a start…
And this IS coming from a guy.
A.
I am in agreement with everything you’re saying here. Obviously, if it were really as ingrained in my man, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself right now, because no one else in contributing income but me. He admits that he feels like shit sometimes right now because he’s not helping and I try to explain to him that he can help me by holding me and supporting me emotionally. He has much to learn though. And that’s fine with me. He would not be here with me right now if he didn’t need this wake-up call, if he didn’t need to experience what it’s like to be loved instead of used. Yes, there are two sides to every story but there are some punishments and behaviors that are overboard in response. I can’t elaborate right now.
You don’t need to elaborate, but if you’d like further of my input then feel free to do so. Referring to your previous post, you said that his license is currently suspended. Do you know why that is and for how long? Because you can’t just pay the fee for it to be reinstated and that’s it. You can’t pay to have it back until the suspension is over. That could take months to years depending on why it was suspended in the first place. I know from experience, because six years ago I was arrested and charged for a D.U.I. and had to suffer the consequences associated with it. He’s been in this state for two years, so why hasn’t he gotten a NJ license since then? You’re supposed to within six months of moving here or you have to take the entire driver’s test all over again. Unless that policy has changed, I’m not sure. There’s also no reason why he shouldn’t be able to work and contribute and make money for himself. Even without a license, I’m sure he can either walk, take a bus, or have you give him a ride to his job when you’re free. I’m sure there’s a local Wal-Mart, Target, or grocery store that is hiring. However, most places require a valid form of i.d. for employment. Not sure if a suspended out of state license would qualify. Maybe he can get a standard state i.d.? Do you know why he lost his last job in the first place? I don’t know, something just seems sketchy and fishy about this guy. Obviously, I don’t know the either of you personally, but that’s the impression and feeling I get. I don’t mean to keep picking on him, but I just can’t wrap my mind around why you would keep putting up with this crap. Are you afraid you might not find someone else? Because I’ve taken the time to read some of your older entries to get a better understanding of you and it seems like you were happier with your ex. At least (from what I read) you seemed happier, didn’t have to struggle, and he had himself together and was more of a better man. Your new man seems like a loser and a charity case. If I were you I would politely ask him to move out and leave until he’s able to pull himself together and help provide for himself and for you. Because if you’re paying for all the bills and taking care of everything, then you really don’t need him there. I’m sure he can move back in with his parents or crash with a friend for awhile. I don’t think the emotional support you ask of him is quite enough when you really think about the burden you have to deal with. Or are you only putting up with it because the only thing he’s still able to offer you is sex in the bedroom? This C guy was your ex, right? If you and your ex are on good terms, maybe you can ask him for some temporary financial assistance? Maybe you should give him a call if you still have his # and see if he can help you out? Or do you know of anyone else who can help you out? I just still think you can do better than the guy that you’re currently with. I’m sure there are lots of men who walk into your club who make offers to date and take better care of you. They constantly throw money at you, show you there black and gold credit cards and brag about how they’ll treat you like royalty. My cousin used to be a stripper and that happened to her all the time. If I was in your situation, I would be too tempted not to take one of those men up on their offer. If I upset you at anytime while reading this, I am sorry, but I’m just providing you with a different perspective and perhaps better sense of your current life situation. Hope everything works out for you in the end…
A.
I too wonder why men put up with bitchy women. In the club it is my opinion that high powered, successful and controlling men are seeking relief from those pressures by having a dominating woman be in control. But I think that’s an attitude that belongs in a club or in a dungeon, not in real life. Why someone who’s stressed out all day wouldn’t want a woman to take care of him a little is beyond me, unless they feel like that just gives them more pressure to take care of her.
At any rate, I’m sure there are countless psychological studies on this sort of thing, but I enjoyed your post. Keep writing!
XOXO, Jooni