Ok, I’m ready for Spring to come

because this snow is seriously messing with my money.

No sooner did the snow cease on Saturday but it appears to be making a return tonight. As if I didn’t get dig my car out and help C dig out a space for his car when he came home Sunday evening, because my incompetent landlord hired some kids to dig out the back parking lot and they did a piss poor job. C was more than a little peeved at having to come home to the situation but my help got him to calm down enough to make me laugh.
“Hey, you’re stronger than you look.”, he commented as I was shoveling. Well, duh! How else do you think that I am able to climb copper or plastic poles as if they were rope? (I was never that could at the rope climbing test in gym class.)

It was right around then, that my thermostat stopped working. The radiators would stone cold for 2-3 days.  It was fr-fr-freezing. I was nearly considering wearing gloves indoors (Rogue much?) but downed cup upon cup of tea just to keep my hands warm. I just had my heaters serviced today. When the PSE & G tech came up to tell me that everything was fixed, he alerted me to a fire hazard he found in the basement. There were doors and random, scrap wood leaned up again the gas heater. Seriously. I am starting to think that the men who manage this little duplex we live in are truly retarded and know nothing about being good landlords.

Assuming that Champagne would be open, I drove down. I mean, it’s the Super Bowl. That’s got to attract some action. When I pulled up, though, the parking lot was empty. There was one SUV sitting out in front of the building with a couple in it, looking just was bewildered as I was. I called to make sure that there was no one there. No answer. So I drove home and chalked it up to a waste of gasoline. If they were open still, I know for certain they would’ve called me.

Overall, we’re just so frustated with the weather this season that we’ve dicussed moving to AL. Sure, I could stand living where it never gets colder than 40 degrees but I would be concerned about there not being a lot of work opportunities. Living closer to Philly and NYC, there’s always a way to make a living. C swears that there are plenty of “titty bars” in the south but I’m not only interested in dancing. I don’t know. I think I’d miss my friends too much.

Wing Bowl

As some may know, today was the day known as Wing Bowl. Men compete over who can eat the most wings. They get a crew together to cheer for them, including sexy girls that are referred to as wingettes.  Then they go to gent’s clubs. I don’t see the connection, honestly, between gorging oneself on wings and going to watch scantly clad women dance.  They drink from 4 am on, so they’re already drunk when they get to the club, which I  imagine that helps some dancers. But I find more difficulty in dealing with drunks because they’re typically more “grabby” that way. For example, I was chatting up a fellow at the bar and just enjoying conversation when I just suddenly felt a lot of air on my rear. Of course, I want to be tipped but, please, make me aware of you presence before you just stick you hand in my shorts. Naturally, I will calmly remove your fingers from my ass crack  with a (fake) smile and try my best not to deck you… but at least give me fair warning.  Guys, you don’t know that I’m not a ninja and I won’t decapitate you if you sneak up on me. Odds are, I’m not but, I’m just saying, you never know.  (Btw, I’m not partial to ninjas or pirates. I let my geek flag fly but I’m above that whole argument.)

It did not help my mood, at all, that I was working on 3-4 hours of sleep and that I knew I would have to come back that same evening at 9 pm. Add the snow to that and you have a disgruntled dancer on your hands. Yes, I did actually go back to Champagne and drive in that ridiculousness. Half an hour after I walked in the door and changed they announced they were going to close early. I didn’t even go on stage. But  I did get some rather delicious cake.

C is going to stay at his mom’s again and come home on Sunday. I’m not crazy about the idea of being snowed in and alone but I’m getting used to it. I know it’s only because he can walk to work from his mom’s apartment and because our landlords suck at clearing out our parking lots in a timely fashion.

I just realized that Sunday is also the day of the Superbowl and I’m wondering if maybe it might be a waste of time for me to go in. Probably.

Oh and I got some early V-day gifts. Uncanny X-Men 32 and 37. Nothing says romance like old comic books. =)

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work! | Girl with Pen

Something I “stumbled upon” that I appreciate and feel it should be shared. Hope you do as well.

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via Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work! | Girl with Pen.

The night before last (and rambling)

1/29- (the night before last, at this point)

I was reminded why I always, always, always work Friday night. (Because it may be very much worth my while.) Broke 300 at last and walked out with just enough to put my bill anxiety to rest for the month. 220 of  the final amount was made of off one man, just tips and not a single dance. He was some kind of nutty Eastern European, who obviously enjoyed throwing his money around. What can I say, I enjoy not having to “work” for money like that just as much as the next girl. He started off tipping me in 20s and graduated to 100s. The odd part was that any time another girl approached, he only gave her a dollar. Of course, that made me feel special but I’m not quite bitchy enough not to feel a twinge of guilt, which is why when I had my back turned and Honey (another girl I would consider quite ideal) approached him, I did not mind at all seeing him tip her 20. I understand that guys have their favorites, but I like it when they “spread the love”. He kept insisting I ought to leave with him and his business partner to party with them in Philly or Atlantic City. “Sorry, I’m stuck here till close and I am going to absolutely useless after that point but I wish I could.” I kind of had to slip a little white lie. Not that they didn’t seem like fun guys but what do I look like, an idiot? I am not going anywhere with anyone that I’ve just met, especially a client!

(For the moment, I don’t care about grammer anymore.)

Stayed up till 3:30. Did not find sleep easily. Was woken up by C’s morning ritual (6-ish). Fell back to sleep for a bit. Then woke up at 9:30.

I was not scheduled to work tonight but I did say that I would try to make it.
I was almost dead set on giving it a fair shot. I had my usual classic cat tail eyeliner on and I was set to go. …And then it started snowing. I actually did clean off my car and start out on the road. I slid a few times. I’m a nervous driver as it is. It occurred to me then that there probably would not be anyone there and that by going in, I might lose money rather than make it. There were a few parties scheduled tonight but I could not forsee anyone driving out to West Deptford in the snow, drinking and then driving home on unploughed roads. Again, only a lunatic would do that. It is one of those nights when it’s probably better to stay home with your wife/girlfriend/love doll or use your internet connection.

Speaking of which, I just got FIOS internet hooked up in my apartment. In November, I finally had to start paying for cable. There was cable when I moved in and it had just been there. I guess that the companies get tired of coming out and disconnecting cable every time someone moves in or out, so they just leave it. Needless to say, my free tv got shut off. Figuring that I already had DSL with Verizon, why not just get digital cable from them too. I got the most basic thing that I could get and it’s awesome. Anyway, I went to call them a few days ago to tell them not to take automatic payment anymore and ask that they bill me instead. I was told that I had two seperate accounts with them and that I had to choice between keeping just my DSL or getting a FIOS bundle. Of course, I want both tv and internet! Fine, I’ll pay $17 more a month because someone on your end screwed up and neglected to tell me when I signed up for cable service that I couldn’t have DSL and FIOS at the same location. Anyway, so the entire time I’ve had DSL, I didn’t know that it was wireless. And I consider myself pretty tech savy and computer literate. Sadly, when I got my laptop in 05′ the battery hardly held more than an hour and half’s worth of charge, so I’ve had to keep it on the electrical adaptor most of the time.  Doing so has fired my battery completely. Now buying a new, better one is a priority revivaling a possible salon trip. I don’t know. Go from burgandy to light auburn or be wire-free?

I’m looking forward to later today though. I know it sounds corny but Sunday night is diner night. I know that everyone talks trash on New Jersey but I relish in the things that make it unique. C and I are making it a mission to visit every diner, at least in South Jersey. There are some rules though. If it’s not open 24 hours, it does not count as a real diner. We don’t have to go to a new one every time but if I can recall one we have not patronized yet, we will make the endever to visit it. What I like most is that going on this mission usually involves a late night drive and sometimes we end up in the pine barrons, lost but, hey, it’s an adventure. This one time I was driving home for Ocean City and I took the wrong exit. I was so freaked out that I didn’t know where I was. We ended up near Batsto/ Nesco. I had to ask directions at a random convenience store that was just opening. I think we didn’t get home till 7am that time. I will always remember the song I heard over the static on the radio, as C couldn’t help but fall asleep. It was “Alive with the glory of love” by Say Anything.

Roughly a year’s worth of experience

Upon finally crashing into bed at 1:30 am, my brain kept going as usual and I nearly thought to drag myself to the lap top to write about something that I’d probably known all along but finally had the words to articulate it.

For the first time, I’m beginning to think that perhaps I am not cut out for this line of work. The reason is so obvious and simple. The adult entertainment industry is extreemmeely shallow. I am way too cerebral and introspective. I cannot portray bubbly, perky or vapid for a period extending past ten minutes or however long a caffeine/ sugar high lasts. Money does not turn me on or motivate me. Actually I haven’t the faintest idea of what does. Necessity and survival, I suppose. I have often prided myself that I have a good head on shoulders and that ultimately making the most I could, while getting the least  involved was the best way to make this work to fit my life.

I see a lot of girls alter their lives to fit the job and all along I’ve thought that they’re just foolish and will only have a more difficultly when quiting time becomes apparent. Perhaps I’ve been wrong in believing that this is a job that do not work for, you make it work for you. I’ve taken a second look. The girls that really live the dancer life style make more. What I mean by “the life style” is that they surround themselves with the business, other dancers, clients and others who associate themselves with the strip club scene. From the perspective of someone who is still an outsider for the most part, it seems like an alternate reality where life is a party 24/7, full of expensive things and “yes people” who don’t really have your best intentions at heart. It’s a life style that is perfect for a self-absorbed, opportunist but at the end of the day it’s a life full of deceit and false personas.

I have always said that as a dancer, it’s necessary to have boundaries because, if you don’t, you will eventually wake up one day and no longer recognize yourself. I don’t even need to have the experience to know what would occur. On a nightly basis, the strength of your character and moral resolve are tested. You’re there to make money. If you do not get it from the clients, you are not getting any kind of salary to fall back on. You pay to be there.  It is not easy by any means to avoid slipping even a little bit. Standing your ground is the road less traveled and it certainly is less lucrative. I would know. For most, I imagine, that they walk in thinking they know what they would and would not do for money. The longer they stay in the industry and the more involved in the life style they are will usually be an indication of how fast or slowly the wall comes down. This is why I suggest to anyone going into this field, to keep in close contact with the outside world and your original friends. You know. The ones that have normal 9-5 jobs, marriages, mortgages and families etc. They will keep you in touch with reality. Because inside the club, the smoke gets in the way of the mirrors and the mask you’re wearing is only a face you’ve painted on the fulfill the desires of strangers whose direction you wouldn’t even fart in were you anywhere else.

Keep it to yourself, stranger.

While in line at Walgreen’s to make a purchase (poster board and glue stick, to create a vision board) and exchange a wad of ones for a 20, the so-called gentleman next to me could not help himself but to comment on my tip money.

“What are you, a go-go dancer?”, he blurted out.

I left out a nervous chuckle and said nothing.  Inside I was seething, day dreaming of turning around and knocking fucking his teeth out. That was so unnecessary and rude of him. I don’t know where people think they get off, making a stranger feel they have to explain themselves and embarasse them in the process. You don’t know my life. I could be a waitress for all you know.  I guess you’d like the mental image of me in a skimpy bikini, dancing around on a pole. Bet you’ll be jerking off to it later, you pretencious prick.

On the lighter side, I attended a family reunion last night, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I do not see my paternal aunts, uncles and cousins often. Frankly, I am tired of running into them at funerals.  I’m hoping there will be some weddings or at least another reunion in the near future. We need more joyful occassions to meet.

To those seeking other dancers on my blog…

such as the likes of anyone working for Club Risque.

I know who you are and what you’re doing  isn’t very flattering. Either way I trust you should find it difficult discovering any dirt here. By the way, I don’t dig through your sites, why don’t you stay out of mine? It makes you look insecure and sneaky. If you have something you’d like to say to me, I’ve asked you before to be direct. You know how to get in contact with me. I have not yet cut ties completely. So why don’t you? It could all be so simple but you’d rather drag it out and make things harder on yourself. Do not be surprised when you are no longer welcome.

Spider-Man Reboot

If you read MSN.com or follow the inside track on all the superhero movie news, you would’ve heard by now of the intended reboot for Spider-Man. Because of disagreements between Sony studios and Sam Raimi, it’s been decided that they are parting ways, getting rid of the original cast, along with the incomplete script. That being noted, I have a few things that I would like to say.

1.) It is too soon for a reboot. Geez! At least let a decade pass before you go destroying my childhood memories.
2.) I think that the majority of the original cast was the best that they are going to find for their assigned roles. I honestly cannot envision anyone else portraying Peter Parker better than Tobey Maguire did. I do think that he never really evolved to have the edge that he ought to have. Anyone who’s read Amazing Spider-Man knows that Parker didn’t stay a dorky, poindexter long after he grew comfortable with his powers. I blame the writers for this though. Discoing down 5th Ave, is not what a symbiote possessed Spidey would do. I saw Brothers. I know Maguire has the chops to play a truly dark character. I would’ve liked to some of that acting ability used in Spider-Man, but nnoooo, we don’t want to scare the kiddies. We won’t be able to sell toys if we do that.
3.) I’d have to say that I think that most of the cast was on point. The only cast member that I didn’t think really met the requirements for their role was Kirsten Dunst. Call me biased. It’s okay. I think she’s very cute and she’s excellent if you’re looking for just the girl-next-door but Mary Jane was more than that. She’s a freakin’ supermodel turned day-time drama actress. Dunst is not supermodel material. I’m sorry the truth hurts. In my opinion, she is too plain to play Mary Jane. She had zero sex appeal throughout the entire series. Again, part of the problem was the script, which made her sound like naggy drag not like the exuberant, hip chick that the comic readers know as MJ. Okay, maybe the directors chose her because she’s a well-known actress and her attractiveness is relative to Maguires, but here’s the thing, Mary Jane ought to be too hot for Peter. I imagine that they’re are the kind of couple that walks down the street and everyone wonders why she’s with him because they’re mismatched. Yes, as previously stated, Parker does grow into his own in time but can you really picture a new paper photographer really making it with a world famous model/ actress? Really? Sounds like he’s got to have something pretty special about him. Suspicious indeed.
4.) I think the Venom saga ought have had it’s own film. No other villeins. Hey, why not throw Carnage in the next movie? That sounds like fun.
5.) I think the origin story ought to be just that. It should follow the book almost exactly. Gwen Stacy should die toward the end of the movie. I want to see no corpses running around the third installment, reaking havoc on the hero’s relationship. That’s the Black Cat’s job.

That all for now. I will add more later if I think of it.

Observations on a Saturday

Yesterday

9:40 a.m. I had the unique luxury of having a camera in my face. It’s for work, like everything else I do of late. The man behind it made me feel comfortable enough to bring out more than “sweet Mary Jane”, whom the girls all say would be nun if she weren’t a dancer, but a confident, sensual woman who’s not shy of showing that side of herself. The three other key dancers  who actually showed for the shoot looked fabulous as well. After we got what we needed the manager on duty approached me as I was getting ready to leave and begged me to come back later. He was very nice about it, and I had nothing else planned for the day and an aching bank account, so how could I say no?

3 p.m. I always choose some mellow music for my first set. There is no way I can get “down with the sickness” when I initially walk on stage. After I stepped down, the customer sitting directly in front of where I was dancing wanted a couch dance right away. That hardly ever happens but I dearly appreciate when it does. Luckily it wasn’t the last.

For a while, I sat and observed the Brazillians and their methods of approaching men for dances. They seem very familiar even with new customers, cuddling up and being very affectionate right away. Some mindlessly grind their asses on the crouches of the men, looking rather disassociated from what they’re doing. Is it the years spent dancing that makes it so miserable, the stagnation and degradation, or something else?

I approached an older man who is a regular patron to see if he was up for conversation. He cheerfully offered me a beer and asked how business was going. I declined as usually do and told him the truth, that I am struggling. At that, he offered up some unsolicited advice, that I am not doing “good” because I am not being “bad”. He told me that there are some girls that are making decent money there, who are allowing more than we’re told we’re supposed to. He would not say whom.

I later brought it up to a woman who worked the couch room and she suggested to he was telling me this to try to get me to comply with his idea of what a good dancer is. I don’t know what to believe. I was informed when I interviewed for Champagne that there were going to be strict guidelines for behavior and dress code. It was for those reasons that I was interested in working for them. I will be very, very disheartened if I come to find that they are being lax about these policies.

Then I went home and watch a marathon of Wolverine and The X-men. =)

..Uh…Meh

We “celebrated” the new year indoors. It wasn’t much of a celebration at all. Not even obligatory consolation sex. Damn! (C, what do I have you for?) Just some cheap champagne and television. It could have been any other night of the week.

Going to work was not an option because they weren’t open last night and they won’t be open today either. I’d like to say that I’m relieved to have the time off but I’m not, nor am I motivated by my meager bank account either to go dashing off to Philly just yet. It’s a problem that I don’t wish to name, that things have been tight.. I am perfectly capable of changing that but cannot seem to bring myself to go outside my comfort zone to make my life more livable, and potentially put myself on a path to a career in something other than being a professional sex object. I know that Philadelphia will have more white collar clientele, thus more men who appreciate the kind of girl I am, i.e. classy, educated, etc. The problem I have with making that move, is also that I might have to take it more seriously and do things like get a track phone for work. That, to me, is too much game playing and lying. I have a very hard time lying about my personal life because it’s what’s real, it’s what I go home to every night…err.. morning. Bluntly put, dancing is not my life. It’s some perverse  fantasy world. My life is my life. Never shall the two intertwine. Don’t get me wrong, I think dancing is a smart decision for an attractive girl with a good head on her shoulders, who needs lots of money fast, however, it is not something you want to be doing past your 30’s.  I am starting to understand why so many dancers choose not get involved in relationships because your money making potential increases when there’s no loyalty/ guilt factor to give you pause about doing what you need to do to make your money. No, I do not mean prostitution. I mean taking full advantage of your “powers”.

Furthermore, on the home front, C wants to start making wedding plans this year. Honestly, I hate to say, I’m kind of hesitant about it because I don’t know when I want to stop dancing and getting married will certainly demand a swift end to my exhibitionism… understandably. Approach me again in 2015, maybe I’ll prepared then…